shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
