Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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