I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
