I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
