She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Shame - the story of my life.
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