Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
