life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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