My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Everyone says I win the strip club
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
