I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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