Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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