why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
