I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You don't make any sense
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