The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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