If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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