when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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