he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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