you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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