So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is wine microwaveable?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
