Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
