You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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