im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
