I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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