We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
