Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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