This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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