i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
