hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
