thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
