I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
