So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
