his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
