i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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