I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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