i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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