She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm both gender and math confused
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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