I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
