i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
