You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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