What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you never un-have a 4some
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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