areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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