I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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