hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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