So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
