You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
