I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
