we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
