wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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