Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She bit a glass in half.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
