I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
