Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
