I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
