maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
