ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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