2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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