please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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