Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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