Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
