I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
