I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
