a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize