just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
