I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
