Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
