im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
