Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
