THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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