he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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